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buhhhhh guysss things were supposed to get better not worseeeee

This is me venting so if you don't care leave! I promise i won't be mad. Okay love you byeeee!! Kk so now I'll explain whats going on. Uhhhhh being a femboy/trans girl is kinda really annoying actually? Because at best people don't care and at worst they actively make it harder to dress the way i'd like to because it makes then uncomfortable. I understand that they are from the christian mindset of like not quite conservative but still it bothers me. It really doesn't feel good being happy with how you look and then I'm told I look like a slut and won't get a job if I keep dressing like this. I mean im not super upset but i just keep thinking about it. Well okay i guess i may be upset but i can't do anything about it. In the past I was also very discouraged from dressing the way i'd like to. For an example, I had asked if I should shave my legs and was told I would hate it. This happened quite a few times and then I finally did it and basically hurt myself a lot because I didn't know what to do. Then i was lightly made fun of for not knowing. Shaving my legs now is honestly really nice and i really enjoy how I look now. It shouldn't have been such a pain to try it. I really don't think someone should be actually in fear when they ask to buy certain clothes or have to come up with strange excuses to try it. What is ironic is that my parents have queer relatives which they are very okay with, but wanting to be trans is very different. I don't blame then since they are also very logical like me. I can't explain the desire to be a girl in a logical way since its inherently emotional. The best I can do right now is - I would like to dress, act, sound, and be percieved as a girl. That thought makes me very happy and I think chemically changing my gender would make that process easier - which is not bad. The issue is still explain the desire which is reallyyyy hard. I honestly do not know how to in the slightest. I have been told growing up that I should just be happy with the body I was given, and changing genders would be greedy for lack of a better word. Like ungrateful might be better? Not sure. Eitherway, feeling this way makes me feel very guilty but thats not going to stop me lol. Thankful im not in a position where I will be kicked out or something, for which i am very grateful. But this still feel sub-par imo. I am probably going to contact a doctor to find out if I am able to take pills soon. Very excited for that, hopefully nothing had happened (foreshadowing).